I DARED TO CALL HIM FATHER
Chapter 7. The Baptism of Fire and Water
I had been sound asleep that night in January 1967 when I was startled awake by my bed shak, ing violently.
An earthquake? My heart was gripped by a nameless terror. And then 1 sensed a horrible mal- evolent presence in my room; one that was defnitely evil.
Suddenly I was thrown out of my bed; whether I was in my physical body or spirit I do not know. But I was pushed and thrown about like a straw in a hurricane. The face of Mahmud flashed before me and my heart cried out for his protection.
This must be death coming for me, I thought, my soul quaking The awful presence engulfed me like a black billowing cloud and instinctively I screamed out to the One who now meant everything to me, "0 Lord Jesus!" At this I was shaken mightily, as a dog ravages his prey.
"Am I wrong to call on Jesus?" I cried to God in my spirit. At this a great strength surged through me and I called out: "I will call on Him! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!"
At this the powerful ravaging subsided. I lay there worshiping and praising the Lord. How- ever, sometime around three in the morning, my eyelids became too heavy and I slipped to sleep.
I was awakened in the morning by Raisham bringing me my morning tea. I lay there for a moment feeling such a sense of relief As I closed my eyes in prayer, ] saw the Lord )esus Christ standing before me. He wore a white robe and a purple cape. Hie gently smiled at me and said "Don't worry; it won't happen again."
I felt then that my harrowing experience was satanic, a test Jesus permited for my own good I recalled the cry that came from deep within my soul: "I will call on His name, I will say Jesus Christ."
My Lord was still standing before me.
It is time for you to be baptized in water, Bilquis, He said Water baptism!I had heard the words distinctly, and I didn't like what I heard.
As soon as I could I dressed and asked Nur-jan and Raisham to see that I wasn't disturbed until lunchtime. I stood at the window thinking, The morning air was cool, and pale steam drifted up from the garden springs. I knew that the significance of baptism is not lost on the Muslim world. A person can read the Bible without arousing too much hostility. But the sacra ment of baptism is a different matter. To the Muslim this is the one unmistakable sign that a con vert has renounced his Islamic faith to become a Christian. To the Muslim, baptism is apostasy.
So here was a difficult testing point. The issue was clearly drawn. would I yield to the fear of being treated as an outcast, or worse, as a traitor, or would I obey Jesus?
First of all I had to be certain that I was realy obeying the Lord, and not some illusion. For I was far too new at being a Christian to trust "voices." How could I test my impression better than through the Bible? So I went back to my Bible and read how Jesus Himself had been baptized in the Jordan. And I looked again at Paul's letter to the Romans where he talked about the rite in terms of death and resurrection . The "old man" dies, and a new creature arises, leaving all his sins behind.
Well, that was that IfJesus was baptized, and if the Bible called for baptism, then of course I would obey.
That very moment I rang for Raisham.
"Please ask Manzur to get the car ready,"I. said. "going to visit the Olds after lunch."
Shortly I was once again seated in Marie and Ken's small living room when I burst forth in my usual way,. "Ken," I said, facing him squarely, 'l'm sure that the Lord has told me to be baptized."
He looked at me for a long moment, his brow furrowing, perhaps trying to fathom the depth of my intention. Then Ken leaned forward and said, very, very seriously: "Bilquis, are you pre pared for what may happen?"
"Yes, but ..." I started to answer.
Ken interrupted, his voice low. "Bilquis, a Pakistani I met the other day asked ifI were sweeper in my own country." He looked at me levelly. " Do you realize that from now on you would not be the Begum sheikh, the respected lan downer with generations of prestige? From now on you will be associated with the sweeper Christians here?"
"Yes" I answered. "I do know that." His words became still firmer and I steeled myself to look directly at him.
"And do you know," he continued, "that Mahmud's father can easily take him away from youž He could label you an unfit guardian."
My heart was stung I had worried about this, but hearing Ken say it aloud made the prospect sound all the more possible.
"Yes, I know, Ken," I said weakly. "I realize many people will think I am committing a crime But Iwant to be baptized; I must obey God."
Our conversation was interrupted by the unexpected arrival of the Mitchells. Ken imme- diately told them we had something important to discuss. Bilquis," he said, "wants to bé baptized."
Silence. Synnøve coughed
"But we don't have a tank for it," said David "How about the church in Peshawar?" asked Marie, "Don't they have a tank?"
My heart sank. Peshawar is the capital of the North West Frontier Province. In every sense of the word it is frontier territory, a provincial town populated by conservative Muslims noted for their quickness to take action. well, I thought, there goes ary secrecy I might want to keep. The whole town would know within an hour.
It was left that Ken would make arrangements for us to go to Peshawar. We should hear from the pastor there in a day or two.
That evening my phone rang It was my Grand Uncle Fateh. I love this elderly gentleman dearly. He was always so interested in my religious instruction.
"Bilquis?" My uncle's authoritative voice sounded upset "Yes, Uncle?" "Is it true that you are reading a Bible?" "Yes." I wondered how he knew. What else had he heard?
Uncle Fateh cleared his throat. "Bilauis, don't ever talk about the Bible with any of the Chris tians. You know how argumentative they are. Their arguments always lead to confusion.
I started to interrupt him but he rode over my words. "Don't invite anyone-anyone_to your house without consultin g me! If you do, you know that your family will not stand by you."
Uncle Fateh was quiet for a moment as he paused to catch his breath. I took advantage of the opening.
"Uncle listen to me." There was a strained silence on the other end of the wire. I plunged ahead. "Uncle, as you'll remember, no one has ever entered my home without an invitation." My uncle would remember, all right; I was well known for ruthlessly refusing to see callers who hac not arranged their visits beforehand.
"You know," Iconcluded, "that I will meet whomever I like. Goodbye, Uncle."
I hung up the phone. Was this an omen of things to come as far as the rest of my family was as concerned? If Uncle Fateh reacted so strongly just hearing that I read the Bible, what would hap- pen when he and the rest of my family learned about my baptism? I didn't like to think.
Which only added fuel to my drive to be baptized right away. I wasn't sure I could resist pres sure from scores of people I loved.
No word came from Ken.
The next morning as I was reading the Bible, I again ran across the story of the Ethiopian eunuch to whom Philip had brought the message of God. The first thing the eunuch did, as soon as he saw water, was to jump down out of the carriage to be baptized. It was as if the Lord was telling me all over again, "Get your baptism and get it now!" I felt sure He meant that if I waited much longer, something or someone might prevent it.
I leaped from my bed, realizing with fresh power that huge forces were marshaling to block me from what the Lord wanted me to do. I put down the Bible, summoned my maids who quickly helped me dress and shortly I was speeding to the Mitchells.
"David,"I said, while wet were still standing in the doorwav "is there any answer from Peshawar?" "No, not as vet." My voice rose. "Can't you baptize me here? Today? Now?"
David frowned. He ushered me in out of the cold moming air. " Now, Bilquis, we can't be in too much of a hurry about such a big step.
"I must obey my Lord. He keeps telling me to press on." I told him about my moring Bible reading, and about the new insistence from the Lord that He wanted me baptized before any- thing happened to me.
David held out his hands in helplessness . "1 must take Synnove up to Abbottabad this after- noon and there isn't anything I can do now, Bilquis."
He put his hand on my arm. "Be patient, Bilquis. I'm sure we'll hear from Peshawar tomor, Iow." Idrove over to the Olds.
"Please,"I cried as Ken and Marie greeted me, 'is there any way for me to be baptized immedi, ately?"
"We asked our pastor," Ken said, taking me by the arm and leading me into the living room "He says the whole matter has to go through the Session."
"Session?" I echoed. "What is that?"
He explained that his pastor wanted to baptize me but he had to get approval from his church's governing board. ""This could take up to several days," he added, "and meanwhile any- thing could happen."
"Yes," I sighed, "word would get out." My mind raced desperately over althe possible circumstances.
Then Ken told me an amazing thing, In the middle ofthe night he had heard a man's voice directing him to "turn to page 45 6 in your Bible." What a strange way,he thought, of giving a Bible reference. It was Job 13 and 14, and the verses shone out from the page . He read the verses that had so blessed him and that seemed meant for me. They started: "Wherefore do I take my flesh in my teeth, and put my life in mine hand? Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him.
Am I ready for even this? ] wondered. Is my trust that strong? I stood up and took Ken's arn "Give me my water baptism now. And then, though He killme,] am ready 'l be'better offin Heaven with my Lord."
I slumped down into a chair and looked up at Ken, apologizing. 'Tm sorry, Ken. I'm getting upset. But one thing I know: the Lord said I should be 'baptized now. I shall put it to you bluntly. Are you going to help me or not?"
Ken sat back in his chair and ran his hand through his sandy brown hair. "Ofcourse," he said looking at Marie. " why don't we go to the Mitchells and see if there isn't something we can do?"
We drove back to the Mitchells where for a while we all sat quietly in prayer. Then Ken sighed deeply, leaned forward and spoke to all of us. "I'm sure we all agree God has been guiding Bilquis in a most unusual way up until now. And if she insists her urgency to be baptized is from God, then let us not be a hindrance t her. He turnedto David. "Youtre going to Abbottabad. Why don't Marie and I take Bilquis up there today, meet you and Synnøve, and arrange for Bilquis" baptism there this afteroon? We'll forget about Peshawar.
Suddenly, it seemed the right thing to do and we all started making preparations. I hurried home and had Raisham pack an extra set of clothes, which the Olds said I would need. "some- thing water won't hurt," Ken said.
Yet in the midst of all this I still felt uneasy. I even sensed the waning of my closeness to the Lord. Hadn't He in so many ways given me a specific urgent instruction? Hadn't He directed me to have my water baptism now?
A thought flicked through my mind. I dispelled the idea. It was unthinkable.
But when the thought persisted I asked my Lord in prayer: " would it be allright, Father God?"
And thus on January 24, 1 967 began a most unusual baptism.
Raisham stood before me, in answer to my call. "Yes, Raisham," I said again. "Please fill the tub."
She turned to her duty, a puzzled expression on her face; never had I taken a bath at this hour of the day.
Raisham announced that my tub was ready; I dismissed her. What I proceeded to do may have some theological problems. But I wasn't thinking in theological terms. I was simply trying to be obedient to a strong urge, which was backed up by scripture. I was supposed to be baptized now, and with the impediments that I felt marshaling themselves, I had doubts about waiting even until the afternoon.
So, because I wanted more than anything else in the world to stay in the Lord's Presence, and the way to do that was through obedience, I walked into the bathroom and stepped into the deep tub. As I sat down, water rose almost to my shoulder. I placed my hand on my own head and said loudly: Bilauis, I baptize you in the name of the Father and of the Son and ofthe Holy Ghost." L pressed my head down into the water so that my whole body was totally immersed.
I arose from the water rejoicing, calling out, and praising God. "O Father, thank You. I'm so fortunate."] knew that my sins had been washed away and that I was acceptable in the sight of the Lord.
I did not try to explain to Raisham what I had done and in her usual reserved manner she pointedly did not ask. Within a few minutes I was dressed, waiting for the Olds to take me to my baptism Abbottabad. Again, I didn't know" what the theology of the cituation was Idid know my motives. These Christian friends had taken such care of me helping me. They had gone through a lot for me and I didn't want to confuse matters further. I would go ahead with the baptism, although some untrained instinct told me I had already done what the Lord wanted of me. I tried to read the Bible but my Spirit rejoiced so that I was unable to concentrate. I was back in the Glory again, just as lalways was when I obeyed Him explicitly, with the Bible as my only check.
"Begum Sahib, Begum Sahib?"
I looked up. It was Raisham. The Olds were outside, waiting.
I told MahmudI would be away for the rest of the day. I felt it better if he were not tod involved in an event that might have unpleasant consequences. Then I went out to join Ken and Marie.
It was a two-hour drive to Abbottabad, along a road that was lined with firs and pines. I didn't mention my tub baptism. Instead I told about the many times I had traveled this same road on family outings, followed by several autos piled high with luggage. Silently I wondered if I should feel disloyal to this old heritage.
We arrived at the mission to find the Mitchells waiting with a Canadian medical doctor and his wife, Bob and Madeline Blanchard, who were our hosts. Along with them stood a Pakistani man. "This gentleman ," said Synøve, "is Padri Bahadur, the minister who will baptize you."
I looked around at the others, including an Anglican doctor and another Pakistani minister "Perhaps this is prophetic, Bilquis," said Synneve.
"Perhaps through you many Christians wil be drawn closer, for this may be the first time in Pakistan that Baptist and Presbyterians and An glicans have all gotten together in a common baptism."
There was an air of excitement about the room. Doors were closed, shades were drawn and I imagined what it was like back in the first century when Christians had their baptisms in the catacombs under Rome.
As we prepared for the ceremony, I looked around and asked, "But where is the tank?" It developed there was none. Ken said that I would have to be sprinkled.
"But Jesus was immersed in the Jordan" I said We had crossed a river just before arrivin g at the mission station. "Why not take me back to the river?" I asked, but then Iremembered that it was bitterly cold and others would have to get into that water, too, and I didn't press the point. Especially since I was certain that I had already received the sacrament.
And so I was baptized again. While water was being poured over me, I thought how the Lord must be chuckling, After the ceremony, I looked up to see tears streaming down the faces ofthe others in the room.
"Well," I laughed, "all this crying certainly doesn't encourage me!"
"Oh, Bilquis," sniffed Synnøve, coming up to throw her arms around me. she couldn't go on.
"Congratulations," said each ofthe others. Synnøve sang a hymn, Ken read from the Bible and then it was time to head for home again.
It was a quiet drive. There was no anxiety amongst us; it felt good just to be with Christians We all said goodbye again amid tears, andIwent into my house.
The comfortable mood was shattered as soon as I stepped through the door. Raisham rushed up to me, eyes wide, anxiety in her voice.
"Oh, Begum Sahib, your family has been here asking about you! They say they know that you are mixing with Christians and...
I put up my hand. "Now stop" I commanded, silencing the chatter. "Tell me who came."
As she recited the names of those who had come to my house that day, a new apprehension filled me. These were the senior members of my family, uncles, elderly cousins, aunts, people who would come to my house in this manner only on a vitally important concern.
My heart sank. That night I ate with Mahmud, trying not to show my own fears, but just as ○ went to bedI retired to my own room. I looked out the window, and under the winter soon as moon I could make out the outlines of the garden I loved. All around me I sensed the comfort of the house, my sanctuary, my retreat.
And now? Would leven be able to keep my home? It was a strange thought, for I had always had the security of family, money and prestige. Yet I felt without doubt that it was also a pro- phetic thought. The forces which I knew to be marshaling against me had already begun to express themselves through my family, Much of my "power," much of my "security," lay in the family. What would happen if suddenly they all began, at once, to oppose me?
Surely this was the very reason the Lord insisted that I have my baptism quickly, immedin ately, He knew me. He knew where I was most vulnerable.
I stood there looking out the window. shadows from swaying trees played through the window.
"O Lord," I prayed, "please don't let them descend on me all at once. Please let them come one at a time."
No sooner had I breathed these words, when there was a knock at the door. One of the maids came in to hand me a package. "This was just delivered for you," she said. Impatiently I tore off the wrapping to find a Bible, Inscribed on the flyleaf was: To our dear sister on her birthday, It was signed.Ken and Marie Old.
I held it to my breast, thanking God for such good friends. Then I opened it and my eye was ..attracted to a page on which these words seemed to stand out. "I will scatter them abroad
At the moment the meaning of these words was a mystery to me.
